Saturday, July 10, 2010
I was watching the clouds, the lightning and the preparation for the show of rain. now, now... that's histrionic and quite unlike me, but well let it be that way. I was with four other people doing nothing but listening to music and watching the 'preparation'(I don't know why it's better to be alone among people rather than being alone, alone). We were idling in front of our college. Needless to say memories kept flashing, memories of four years that the college owed me. I was forestalling them. Memories aren't worth anything if they can't help you in the present, not to mention the 'affect' changes they bring. The future is raw, the present.....(I don't know what exactly the present is. The present becomes the past before I can spell it). So, the future is raw..raw. If there is something belonging to the future that I am sure of, it's insecurity and if there is something about the present I am sure of, it's uncertainity, though I can convince people around me of the opposite. I am not a determinist, but I do believe that the environment has the potential to manipulate me, especially so because I accept this fact. The 'potential to manipulate ' lends uncertainity to the present. To annul or capacitate this potential lies in my hands. Indeed I am oblivious to my expectations of my future( I wonder if there are any). I cannot decide upon my specialisation. I will let '.........' decide that. (I ll fill in the blank when Iknow what to call it). But irrespective of what my future is going to be one, thing I can do is prepare for the future. At least I am certain of the field of pursuit now.
I told them 'the show starts in another five minutes. We will have to leave' and I had to laugh at myself because I was less uncertain of the rain than my future. I ran hostelwards not to avoid the rain but to 'prepare for the the future'.