Saturday, March 6, 2010
Seems to me like its been aeons since I wrote something valid and exploratory.
In case, only in case you don't happen to know what 'the look' is, 'the look' is the vision the world(the others) has of you. Now that is incomplete!. Its the vision YOU think the world has of you. I have for long fooled myself that I am not bothered by the look. I was a fool indeed.
Allow me to deviate. People call it COURAGE when the somebody admits his stupidity. I think its despair - desperate honesty. Its just the assumption that his honesty would make him more acceptable that makes a person admit his follies. Man does nothing for the sake of courage or goodness. Its always for a concealed gain. I am thinking about my other confessions in this page. "I was a kid when I was a kid...". Truly an act of disowning 'my foolish self'.I was foolish and that was me and I was a kid erring on the side of logic. So that is about courageous confessions.
So I was this foolish woman who thought she was immune to the look. It was later(two years earlier) that I realised that I was not immune to the look, but thought that the world considered me immune to the look. That gave me a cover under which I subtly changed in response to the look. My immunity was the world's reproach of my immunity itself, which I enjoyed. But two years back I didn't realise it in paragraphs like this. All I knew was 'I am not immune to the look, I wish I were'.
But to be immune would regrettably halt all efficacious changes. You wouldn't make any progress. I wish I were able to elaborate, but I know no more.
Do I sound miserable? Everything sensible I write, is written in times of
misery and hatred that are periods of optimum and unbiased functioning of mind