Saturday, December 10, 2011

The more you are into the past- the more you are into the future

' Why is the past always glorious?' I probably have asked myself a gazillion times . Not that I do not know the answer but I comfortably forget it. The past is glorious because I have the traits of a narcissist though I am not completely narcissistic. I am reminded of that person I was- who would adroitly sometimes awkwardly, evade all conversations, the unsolicited advice that she should be more communicative to succeed; who would lose her dad in a crowd because he attracted attention and thereby she did too; who wanted to be acknowledged but not clamorously. You can possible define her in a word - 'Shy', but there was more to her than shyness. If my communicative skills that I painstakingly learned did anything to me, it has made me more shallow. I have also come to occupy this enclosure of niceness which renders further analysis of conflicts inconceivable, because my niceness evokes no conflicts. If it were the recluse I used to be- I would ensure that my disagreement over something was well dissected and duly conveyed in words or deeds. I am crying over spilt milk which I don't regret as long as it is productive. So what do I do, shuttle back and forth between socialization and seclusion? At the moment I don't find anything except seclusion sensible.