Saturday, December 10, 2011

The more you are into the past- the more you are into the future

' Why is the past always glorious?' I probably have asked myself a gazillion times . Not that I do not know the answer but I comfortably forget it. The past is glorious because I have the traits of a narcissist though I am not completely narcissistic. I am reminded of that person I was- who would adroitly sometimes awkwardly, evade all conversations, the unsolicited advice that she should be more communicative to succeed; who would lose her dad in a crowd because he attracted attention and thereby she did too; who wanted to be acknowledged but not clamorously. You can possible define her in a word - 'Shy', but there was more to her than shyness. If my communicative skills that I painstakingly learned did anything to me, it has made me more shallow. I have also come to occupy this enclosure of niceness which renders further analysis of conflicts inconceivable, because my niceness evokes no conflicts. If it were the recluse I used to be- I would ensure that my disagreement over something was well dissected and duly conveyed in words or deeds. I am crying over spilt milk which I don't regret as long as it is productive. So what do I do, shuttle back and forth between socialization and seclusion? At the moment I don't find anything except seclusion sensible.

3 comments:

  1. "I am reminded of that person I was- who would adroitly sometimes awkwardly, evade all conversations, the unsolicited advice that she should be more communicative to succeed; who would lose her dad in a crowd because he attracted attention and thereby she did too; who wanted to be acknowledged but not clamorously. "

    I can't tell you how those words made me feel. I am humbled by your brilliance.

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  2. Couldn't get all you tried to tell. But, perhaps, we do more things without truly liking them. The individual is always in conflict with the community that is always indifferent to her.

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